In Defense of Weiner

Bet that title caught your attention.

Now, before you read any further, please know this is no apologetic for Weiner's actions.  What he did was despicable.  There were two major betrayals that he committed: the betrayal of the sanctity of marriage and the betrayal of the public trust when he lied about his actions. 

Does he deserve to be criticized?  Yep.

Does he deserve to be raked over the coals?  Yep.

Does he deserve to lose his job over the escapade?  I can only say that if I were ever caught doing such a thing, I'd be removed from my position quickly and would not be allowed back until I received major amounts of counseling.

But does he deserve to have his head served on a platter?  Figuratively crucified for his actions?

I've got a problem with that.  I don't believe so.  His actions demand consequences, but I also believe we should be ready to forgive in a heartbeat. 

Why would I say such a thing about a man who did something like he did?

First, my faith.  Second, my gender.  My faith says, "Forgive."  My gender says, "I understand."

Let's start with the second and then work our way toward faith.

You see, I understand much of why Weiner did what he did when he involved himself with those women over the internet.  If you are a heterosexual man, the female form captures  your attention immediately and with regularity.  For some reason, God decided that we should be stimulated visually, and He also made the female form highly, highly attractive to us.

And yes, I know exactly what Jesus says in Matthew five: ²⁷“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’²⁸But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Guilty as charged.  Don't know of a single heterosexual man who's escaped this one.  Those of us who take this comment seriously carry no small weight of angst about it knowing we sin almost on a daily basis.  (Thank God for His grace, or there wouldn't be a single man in heaven.)

And honest to goodness, we can't help it.  Our eyes wander.  We are attracted to curves, to bosoms, to derrieres, to curvaceous lips.  Now, ladies, please don't misunderstand me here, especially those of you who are married to us.  Just because we are attracted to another woman's looks doesn't mean we want to leave you for her.  We are still attracted to you.  We still love you.  Honestly, I believe that if we had a switch we could turn that would make us only have eyes for you, we'd throw the switch and then super glue, duct tape, weld, and wire it in place.  We hate disappointing  you when our eyes wander.  We really don't want to hurt you, and if we could turn it off, I believe most of us would.

But we can't.  It's wired into us.  Many of us struggle with self control.

And if you think us pastors have it easy...try officiating at a wedding where the bride and the bridesmaids are all wearing low cut dresses, and most of them are proud of the assets they have been given.  Try standing two or three steps above said bride and bridesmaids in front of a whole room of people who are staring at you when you are officiating.  The senior pastor I served with gave me a helpful word of advice when I was first starting out.  He showed me a notebook he always officiated at wedding with. 

"It helps when the dresses are low cut," he said.

I understand and carry my notebook to every wedding.

We live in a sexually charged culture.  Young ladies are encouraged to push the envelope when it comes to fashion.  Celebrity wardrobe malfunctions make the headlines on television and internet news sites.  Porn is readily available without filter on any computer hooked to the net. Guys and gals face temptation every single day.

And for some, their self control breaks.  They give in. 

They/we/I know it's wrong.  They/we/I would like to stop.  But it's doggone hard.  Especially when you are fighting thousands of years of evolution.

But I'm still trying.  I'm working hard for several reasons.  I don't want to disappoint my wife and ruin the great relationship I have with her.  I want to provide an example for my daughters showing them a man can have self control, and hopefully they will find a husband who does as well.  I want to prove that us guys aren't all jerks who only care about the size of a woman's bosom or if she can fit into a size 1. 

And when temptation strikes, I remind myself what I stand to lose if I should fall.

In some ways, I feel sorry for Rep. Weiner.  He's fallen.  He now faces the consequences of his actions.  I hope they teach him a lesson.  I hope he learns from his experience and can rebuild the trust with his wife and with the public.

I don't know that many are ready to forgive him just yet.

But I know God forgives.

And I hope we eventually can as well.