Monday, June 13, 2011

I Hate Snakes

14The Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, cursed are you among all animals and among all wild creatures; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life. 15I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will strike your head, and you will strike his heel.”  --Genesis 3: 14-15

I understand this sentiment all too well.  I hate snakes.  It probably stems from an incident when I was roughly 2 1/2 or three years old.  We lived in a trailer house, and every morning, I'd trudge outside and pick up the paper.  At this age, I considered it fun. 

One morning, I opened the door and proceeded to walk toward the steps.  I looked toward the ground, and there was a snake!  I have no earthly idea what kind of snake it was.  I just know that the darn thing looked right at me, opened its mouth and hissed.  I screamed bloody murder and ran back inside the house.  My mom shot at it a couple of times with a .22, but I don't think she hit it.  She did finish it off with a hoe.

Don't know if it was the shock of seeing the snake, it hissing at me, or what, but the image is deeply embedded in my brain, and I believe it serves as the root core of why I vehemently dislike snakes.

Fast forward 35+ years to yesterday.

I worked in my garden harvesting my corn crop.  After finishing, I needed to water my cucumbers, squash, and watermelon.  I headed to the spigot on the west side of the church building.  I was just about to reach down and grab the water hose when I heard a hissing sound.  I looked into an old armadillo hole and saw a black snake trying to swallow a toad.  Looking carefully, I saw the snake's head and fangs protruding on each side.  It was a water moccasin!  Venomous!  Not the kind of snake I want hanging around with my kids and pets playing outside on a regular basis.

Now, I know what scripture says in the 16th chapter of the book of Mark:

17"And these signs will accompany those who believe: by using my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes in their hands, and if they drink any deadly thing, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.”  Mark 16: 17-18

I also know that this text probably was added later after the original author finished his work (you'd be able to tell it too if you read the Greek.)  I do know there are those who believe this to be inspired scripture, and these idiot, asinine, crazy people actually handle poisonous snakes during worship.

My faith is not that strong. 

I immediately left the vicinity and headed for my shop to appropriate a hoe.

Have you ever tried digging a snake out of a hole where he is entrenched?  Not an easy task.  Cottonmouths are notoriously strong.  They are also pretty aggressive, and my saving grace was this one was trying to swallow a meal.  He was more in retreat mode, so I had an edge.  However, despite my efforts, I still couldn't get the thing out.  It was time for stronger measures.

I like the Second Amendment to the Constitution, and I personally believe it guarantees individual American citizens the right to bear arms.  When facing a poisonous snake in a hole, that right to bear arms comes into play handily, and I exercised it.  My kids watched from their bedroom window where they could see the scene play out.


The first two would have done the job, I found out later.  But I fired two more for insurance measures.

After dragging the snake out, I used my hoe for insurance. 


Now, just for safe measures, I went back and read my letter of call.  It has nothing in there about protecting the church from deadly serpents, but I think I'm going to go back and write it in.  One day, I'm going to retire, and the next person in line will need to know what he/she is getting into. 

Apparently, in order to be a country preacher, you've got to be a snake killer as well.

p.s.  Hung the dang thing on the fence belly up.  It better rain now!

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