I've decided to begin a series here on Country Preacher's Corner. Over the next few months, I hope to chronicle my journey to and through burnout to (hopefully) rejuvenation. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you will probably not be surprised this was coming. I am hoping the posting will be therapeutic as I seek to recover from this phenomenon physically, mentally, and spiritually.
I remember well the commentary in seminary concerning burnout. The "B" word ranked right up there with all those other dirty words. My professors gave me and my classmates all sorts of helpful hints and teachings so that burnout could be avoided. Seminary retreats focused on the issue and gave us techniques to avoid same as well. I've been continuously involved with Bowen Family Systems teaching and thought which also focuses on self-definition and maintenance to help a person avoid emotional entanglements which lead to....you guessed it...burnout.
My professors, the retreats, and my systems class all seemed to have the underlying assumption that burnout could be avoided if one practiced a few simple things:
1. Active prayer and spiritual life.
2. Taking one's vacation and adhering to one's day off rigorously.
3. Being well defined in what one believes and holding onto one's vision tenaciously.
4. Taking care of one's physical self by diet and exercise.
5. Feeding one's mind through reading and continuing education.
Of course, that short list isn't exhaustive, but I believe it encapsulates the main items used to avoid crashing and burning in a parish. Let me say right off the bat, these things are very helpful, and I believe just about every pastor should practice them. Yet, I will also say they do not help one avoid burnout--postpone it, maybe, but avoid it--no.
Perhaps it is the desire to avoid burnout that doesn't allow many clergy to admit we finally run into it. Admitting one is burned out automatically leads to the assumption one's prayer life isn't up to snuff; one isn't taking good care of one's self through education or diet or exercise; one is spending countless hours at the office, visiting, or at hospitals and nursing homes and in doing all this activity is neglecting family and vacation time. Yet, what if this is far from the truth? What if a person is doing all those things--perhaps not getting an A+ in all areas, but is practicing all of those things and still becomes burned out? What if it is the nature of the beast as clergy that we will burn out no matter how hard we seek otherwise?
Last week, I finally admitted to myself, my congregation council, and my congregation that I was burned out. My last sermon on the dry bones from Ezekiel came straight from the heart. I meant every word of how I felt. I still do.
After unloading and putting my cards on the table, I can say I feel better--nowhere close to feeling rejuvenated, energetic, and ready to move mountains; however, I feel well enough to actually get out of my office and visit people again. I have enough energy to sit with those going through illness, grief, and anxiety again. That was not the case last Thursday. I needed to go visit some folks, but I just couldn't. I spent the entire day reading in my office. Just sharing with my folks my burnout alleviated the stress just enough to function.
As I continue to chronicle this time in my ministry, I have decided to try and look at myself as a scientist might study a phenomenon. I hope to study my experiences, reflect upon them, detail them, and think about what I could have done differently or better. I hope to delve within my own emotional, spiritual, and physical make up and get a better understanding of what makes me tick. I know there will be several things to consider:
1. In describing the life of a pastor, it might look like I am whining and complaining. This will be partially true, but it will also be descriptive. Not everyone knows what it is like on the other side of the collar. There are tremendous blessings and tremendous joys. The life varies depending upon whether one serves in a rural location, town location, or urban location. Parish size makes a difference as well. I'm not going to sugar coat what I've gone through; I'm going to gripe a little; but I don't want any sympathy. I know exactly where to look in the dictionary for it. God called me to this position with the good and the bad. I'm going to try and emphasize both as best as I can.
2. It might seem like I'm coming down on my congregation or on people within it. It might seem like I'm taking shots at my denomination and others. To the best of my ability, I am going to try and avoid this. I do not seek to blame anyone for this burnout. If there is blame to shoulder, it is mine and mine alone. Blame might lie everywhere and nowhere. The intention of this chronicle is not to spread blame or affix it to anyone or anything. The intention is to be purely descriptive of the process. That's a big order. I know.
3. Part of the reason of putting all this into my blog is its therapeutic nature. Some folks get counseling. Some folks go on long walks. Some folks walk away from it all. I write. I hope no one takes major offense at that.
4. Putting all this stuff in public makes me vulnerable. I know this. Should you wish to take shots, tell me to suck it up, go postal on me and say, "Stop whining!", or whatever else you see fit, I actually encourage you to do so. Your comments might not make it past moderation on that given day depending upon my mood, but I think I can handle it.
5. The goal of this process is to arrive at a place in the future where the burnout is passed and I am rejuvenated in doing what I love to do in the place where I love doing it. My goal is to work through all this stuff and continue to serve in this congregation with these people. I am proud of them and what they do as a church, and I hope to lead them for many more years.
On with the journey...
No comments:
Post a Comment