Would I Rather Be Right, or Would I Rather Be Kind?

That's a quote by Wayne Dyer.  I came across it in this link posted by a friend on Facebook.

Now, there's a few things in this article worth noting, but I almost stopped reading after point number one.  It reads:

1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

Now, at first glance, this might seem like a no-brainer.  Aren't relationships more important than being right?  Isn't it better to avoid stress and pain for ourselves and for others?  Wouldn't I rather be seen as being kind instead of judgmental and self-righteous?

Honestly, this isn't the first time I've come across this statement.  It's the first time I've seen the attribution, but I've heard numerous such things in regards to the Church and it's ability to reach out to the unchurched.  It's better that we be seen as compassionate than to be seen as judgmental.

Perhaps.  But there is a BIG problem with this train of thought.  It assumes we all have the same understanding of what it means to be kind.  Let me illustrate with this hypothetical example:

Let's say a teacher gives her classroom an assignment at the beginning of the six weeks.  She asks them to write a two page report on zebras.  Wanting to be kind and give every kid the opportunity to pass, she reminds them two to three times a week including every Friday before they head home for the weekend.  She emails parents once a week and sends three letters home about the report during the course of the six weeks.

The day the report is due, the teacher sees Johnny scribbling frantically.  She asks for the reports, and she begins to grade them.  Johnny's report is written on one page and consists of one sentence: Zebras are black and white.

What does it mean for the teacher to be kind in this instance?  Well, from my perspective, the kindest thing the teacher could do is flunk Johnny because he failed miserably at the assignment.  Of course, Johnny will not think her too kind because of her actions.  Yet, he must learn that one cannot turn such work in on a clearly stated assignment.  He must learn there are consequences to the work he decides to do (or not do in this case).  He must learn responsibility for school assignments.  Teaching him this now by failing him would be the kindest thing to do even if Johnny doesn't believe this to be the case.

Well, just as it so happens, Johnny's parents are helicopter parents.  They demand to see the teacher once they find out Johnny has flunked the assignment.  They begin arguing for a better grade.  "We've had a rough couple of weeks as a family.  Johnny needs to work at his own pace.  We try to give him freedom to be creative and do things when he wants to so that his work is better.  This will ruin his average, and he will be devastated if he doesn't make the honor roll.  Can't you give him a chance?  He probably didn't understand the assignment.  Please be kind and make an exception."  The parents truly believe they are being kind to their son by asking the teacher to change his grade.  They truly believe they are looking out for his best interest in what they are doing, and if the teacher does not change Johnny's grade, they will go ballistic thinking the teacher is a cruel, heartless woman who doesn't care about their child.

When in reality, she really does.  She really wants what is best for Johnny and his education.  She really wants to be kind and help him in the best way she can right now--by failing him on this assignment. 

So, the question is: who is really being kind?  And how do you make that judgment call?  How do you know you are being kind?  And ultimately, who is right?

What if being right also means being kind and being wrong means you are actually hurting someone badly?

Do we not have an obligation to do what is right even if it means being un-kind?

What sayest thou?