On Suicide

This post is in response to one of my high school friends who asked me this on Facebook:

Hi Kevin! I have a question for you. Someone I love very much committed suicide 8 years ago today. I pray for him all the time and his parents. He was their only son and I'm always concerned for them. My question is if you pray for forgiveness for his soul will he be saved? I know suicide is unforgiveable but the thought of him not being at peace tears me up inside. Please tell me the truth! Thanks.

Thank you for asking me about this, Gina.  The subject of suicide can be tough for many especially if one is a person of faith.

And speaking of faith, perhaps I should begin by letting you know that I approach faith from a Lutheran-Christian perspective.  There is a big difference between how we interpret and understand things than say a Roman Catholic, a Baptist, a Pentecostal, etc.  Therefore, I will be coming at these questions from my faith--which will give you a very different answer than from a priest or from a "brother" who preaches.

The lens that governs much Lutheran-Christian thought is that we are saved by grace through faith in Christ Jesus and by no work of our own.  There is nothing we can do that will earn our salvation.  It comes only through the mercy, love, and forgiveness given by Christ himself.

Therefore, your prayers, in my understanding, have no effect what-so-ever on your friend's soul.  God has already judged him.  We don't believe in Purgatory or some sort of holding station where souls are purified.  We believe God handles all that stuff immediately.

That could potentially be bad news in your eyes.  I mean, what hope would your friend then have if suicide was, in your words, unforgiveable?

But, here is the good news.  As we read through scripture, we see that there is only one unforgiveable sin--the sin against the Holy Spirit.  Matthew 12:32, "Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come."

What is this sin?  There is no definitive verse in Scripture which says, "The sin against the Holy Spirit is a, b, c, or d."  Therefore, we must discern what that sin is.  The Lutheran tradition has held that since it is only by the Holy Spirit that we can say, "Jesus is Lord" (1 Corinthians 12:3), then the unforgiveable sin against the Holy Spirit is the rejection of Christ as Lord.  If we are right, then suicide certainly is a forgiveable sin.

Now, why would we say such a thing?  We know now that nearly everyone who commits suicide suffers from severe depression.  It has driven them to a place of despair and hopelessness.  It has caused them to turn so deeply within themselves, they can see nothing but darkness.  Unable to see any hope or light, death becomes their way of release.  In short, the disease killed the person, just like cancer, or heart disease, or diabetes, etc.  Do we say that such people are unforgiven when they die of such disease?  How many folks have you heard say, "This person is rotting in hell because he smoked for 30 years and got lung cancer."  or "This person is rotting in hell because she died from diabetes and refused to stop eating sweets."?  We don't blame the person, we blame the disease for the death.  Why don't we blame depression for those who commit suicide?

Furthermore, we also need to take a look at the nature and character of God.  What is God's nature of forgiveness?  Perhaps at this point, I will add a sermon that I preached a couple years ago at a funeral for one of my congregation members who committed suicide.  I hope all this stuff helps, Gina.  You gave me a difficult topic to address in such a short amount of space.  Thanks again for asking.

(sermon begins)

It’s such a small word in the English language. It’s only made up of three letters: W, H, and Y. Yet, when you put those three letters together in front of a sentence, that one little word can cause the human mind to race and do flips as it tries to figure things out. The word is why, and if you are like me, you have asked that question many, many times in the last few days as you have contemplated the news that we received early Tuesday morning. Why?

It’s an honest question. It’s a question that we would like an answer to because no one that I knew saw this coming. No one that I visited with ever thought that Les would do what he did. Why?

I mean, those who knew Les knew him to be somewhat of a loner, but he was a loner who always seemed calm and relaxed. Although he was an introvert, he enjoyed helping people. To give you a glimpse of Les’ character, I’d like to share with you a story that Margie told me of one of their earliest dates. If I remember correctly, Margie, you said that the two of you had been dating for about three weeks when he invited you to go along with him to a company banquet. Margie, of course, was very excited about this prospect, and she busied herself getting ready trying to find the perfect dress and make sure she looked good. But, when she got to the banquet with Les, she found herself in somewhat of a state of shock because she didn’t expect to see what she saw. At the banquet were several hundred people who were disadvantaged in one way or another. They were missing limbs or blind. At the table of ten at which she and Les sat, there were only two people capable of using the full compliment of silverware: her and Les. One man had no arms and ate using his mouth. Margie was shocked, but her shock turned into admiration when she realized that many of those who attended that banquet that evening were people that Les had helped. They were people who Les worked with to help them become productive members of society when society might have turned their backs upon them because of their disabilities. To quote Margie, "If you don’t think that wasn’t a life changing experience, I don’t know what would be."

But that was the person Les was, one who enjoyed helping others. Even after he retired, he continued to do this. He looked after his mother and called her constantly before she died in October of last year. He traveled almost daily to Cat Spring to check on Margie’s mother Tekla. He had begun volunteering in the hospital working at the popcorn machine to raise scholarship money. Yet despite all of this, despite his reaching out to help others, Les began to suffer severely from depression. No matter what Margie or anyone else did, this disease began to eat at him from within. He couldn’t break out of it. Why?

It’s frustrating because there isn’t any good answer. It’s frustrating because we want one. We want to be able to say with confidence that we understand and that we know, but we can’t. We are left with only one answer, and an unsatisfactory one at that: we don’t know. Margie even told me on the phone the other day that they joked about ordering t-shirts that read, "No, I don’t know." And I wish I could stand before you this afternoon with words of wisdom that would clear everything up for you as well. I wish I could give you the magic answer that would bring about a resolution to the struggle that many of us here today feel as we wrestle with that question of, "Why?". But I don’t have that answer. I don’t know either. I don’t know why Les did what he did, and I don’t know why he couldn’t break out of the depression that he suffered that ultimately claimed his life. I’m in the same boat that you are in. I have to wrestle with it as well, but if you will allow me, I would like to share with you something this afternoon that helps me in the midst of my wrestling. I would like to share with you something that gives me comfort in the midst of my unknowing.

We actually heard the words a little bit earlier when we read from the 8^th chapter of the book of Romans. Please hear them again. St. Paul writes, "What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else? Who will bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?" "No," Paul says. "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Did you catch those words? Did you catch what Paul said? Did you catch it when he said that nothing, not a single thing in all of creation can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord?

One of the things that I believe with all of my heart is that God’s love surpasses anything that I can ever imagine. God’s love is greater than the greatest love than I could ever have. And despite what this world can throw at me, I have the confidence that God will never leave me alone. God will always be there, steadfastly and stubbornly, even when I try to get away from Him. God’s love through Jesus Christ will never leave us or forsake us: even though we walk through the darkest valley.

And Les walked through that dark valley. Les walked through the valley of depression, and that valley is very, very dark. That darkness eventually swallowed him up and did not allow him to see any light what-so-ever. It became so dark for Les that he couldn’t see any hope despite what others around him tried to do for him. And unfortunately, that darkness became so bitter, that it caused Les to do the unthinkable. But even though Les lost hope, God did not lose Les. See, God claimed Les long ago at Les’ baptism. Les was a child of God, and God does not let go of His children easily or willingly. And even though the depression consumed Les, God was greater than that depression. Just as God triumphed over the darkness of His Son’s crucifixion by shedding the light of the resurrection, God has triumphed over the darkness of Les’ depression, and now Les is with God being bathed in glorious light. Why? Well, what do you know, I finally have an answer for that one: because nothing can separate us from God’s love through Jesus Christ.

And this is the hope that we now hold onto today as we gather. We hold onto the hope that in the midst of our questioning, in the midst of our asking why, in the midst of our inability to find answers, in the midst of our grief, God is with us as well. God’s presence is an ever present support upholding us and reminding us that we too are children of God. We too share in the promise of eternal life. We too can have some bit of certainty in an uncertain world. And when we leave this world, we can believe that we will go the homes that Christ himself has prepared for us, where we will be reunited with those we love. Today, we gather asking why and not knowing, but on that day we will know, when we see our brother Les and our Father God face to face. Amen.

(end sermon)

Gina, if your friend was a Christian, I'd be able to rework this sermon, change out the activities he did with the things my member did, and replace Les's name with his.  That's how confident I am in God's love and Christ's forgiveness.