Which put life into perspective.
There are certain things which make one really think about this faith we are called to practice.
When to Draw the Line
I love helping others.
If you come ask me for help, you are almost guaranteed to get it--especially if it's your first time asking.
That's kind of standard here at the congregation I serve.
We have a Community Care Fund. It was established long ago, and it was and is intended to help others within our congregation and outside of it. We've had some very generous contributions to it, and so I don't hesitate when it comes to helping those in need. That money is meant to be spent, and we do. I cannot tell you how many people we have helped in the years I have been here, and it is gratifying to know we make a difference in the lives of others.
I've seen people break down in tears after receiving assistance.
And I've seen the other side as well--the people who take advantage of your generosity.
There comes a point and time when a line must be drawn, and it's hard to do so.
Over the span of three years, we have helped one particular lady over and over and over again. Rental assistance. Electric assistance. Food. Propane.
Recently, she was kicked out of her apartment for failing to pay rent. She supposedly is about to receive disability. She moved in with her mother into an old mobile home.
They ran out of propane.
They asked for help. We did.
We got a call from the propane company shortly after we agreed to pay her bill. The lady we were helping called them up and proceeded to chew them out because they hadn't filled her tank in what she thought was a timely manner.
My secretary apologized for the woman's actions.
I thought about this and then told my secretary, "Next time something like this happens, please respond, 'We aren't helping anyone because they are good. We are helping because God is good.'"
It's the truth. But if you read Scripture, even God has His limits.
Less than a month passed, and this woman returned asking for help filling her propane tank again. She ran it dry. Again. This means the propane company has to run a test on her lines checking for leaks. Again. That costs extra money. Again.
We know the mobile home isn't as air tight as it could be. We know she'll run out quickly again. Obviously, she doesn't know how to manage things either.
I told my secretary, "We won't fill the propane again. We will buy some space heaters and help them stay warm."
The lady showed up to ask for money. We told her we would buy the heaters.
"Don't you know they cause fires? No thank you!"
Never had a space heater cause a fire in anything I've used them on, but I use them correctly. Which is beside the point.
"We will not fill your propane tank. We will pay $50 toward your bill. That's it."
Anger. Even after being helped numerous times with well over $1000. Even with no questions asked before. Even with knowing we were being milked at times. Anger.
Maybe it's anger at knowing we aren't going to let her take advantage of us anymore. Who knows?
Jesus said, "Give to everyone who begs."
Will do.
But I won't give away the whole shooting match.
We'll help, but we won't be taken advantage of.
Sometimes you have to draw the line.
There are certain things in life that help you realize this.
*An interesting side note to my post yesterday followed up with this one. My bishop wrote the following comment on my Facebook feed: Nice.
Ronnie, a member of my last church used to say, "Pastor I can't tell
them that really needs from them that don't. And Jesus said to give to
everyone who begs from you. So I do. I hope that's okay."
There is a definite difference in these two stories although they are linked by striving to help others. In one instance, I knew nothing about those who were in need. In this post, I know a lot. There is a huge difference once you really get to know a person and how he/she operates.
I think it is quite unfortunate that many congregations really never get to know the people they help out. Building relationships is a major component of evangelism--with rich or poor; with those in need and those in plenty. It helps us walk that delicate balance between compassion (feeding the hungry as per Matthew 25) and enabling (if one does not work, one does not eat 2 Thessalonians).
Showing posts with label Community Care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Community Care. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Yes, I Still Care
As I reflected about my post last week: Who Cares?, I began to wonder if I didn't overstep my bounds. Some may see this post as an attempt to cover my tail, and in some ways perhaps it is. But I think I need to add these words to further define my role/a pastor's role in caring for members in a congregation.
My entire goal in the previous post was to encourage all members within congregations to care for one another and not view such care as exclusive to the pastor/clergy. Jesus didn't say, "Clergy members are to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, and visit the sick and imprisoned." (paraphrasing the end result of Matthew 25) Not at all. Jesus called all of His followers to do such things.
Clergy are not singled out nor exempted.
Which means that I believe clergy are indeed called to model and equip others on how to care for one another in a congregational setting.
I think one can still head a large organization and still have plenty of personal contact with those in need.
I hope no one viewed my post as an attempt to say, "I don't need to care." Far be it from that. In reality, it was a desire to expand the view and show that the responsibility for care falls not on one but upon all.
My entire goal in the previous post was to encourage all members within congregations to care for one another and not view such care as exclusive to the pastor/clergy. Jesus didn't say, "Clergy members are to feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, and visit the sick and imprisoned." (paraphrasing the end result of Matthew 25) Not at all. Jesus called all of His followers to do such things.
Clergy are not singled out nor exempted.
Which means that I believe clergy are indeed called to model and equip others on how to care for one another in a congregational setting.
- This means clergy/I should/will continue to visit the sick.
- This means clergy/I should/will continue to counsel people when in need.
- This means clergy/I should/will continue to check on people who are undergoing long-term treatments.
- This means clergy/I should/will continue to be with families who lose a loved one and endure the grief process.
- This means clergy/I should/will continue to receive and make phone calls when a need arises.
I think one can still head a large organization and still have plenty of personal contact with those in need.
I hope no one viewed my post as an attempt to say, "I don't need to care." Far be it from that. In reality, it was a desire to expand the view and show that the responsibility for care falls not on one but upon all.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Who Cares?
It is a question I think we as clergy and as congregations need to wrestle with more deeply: who cares?
Who cares, indeed?
In many congregations, it is assumed that the primary caregiver for people is the pastor. When people are troubled, they go to the pastor. When people are having surgery or they end up in the hospital, the pastor is supposed to visit. When someone loses a loved one, the pastor is there at the death, at the funeral preparation, calls numerous times afterward, and checks in on important dates: Christmas, Easter, a year after the death. When a member has cancer, the pastor is supposed to call, text, write, email on a regular basis to check in. If someone misses church a couple Sundays in a row, the pastor should call upon that person to see what is going on. And the list goes on.
Mind you, this isn't a bad thing. I am not trying to get into a bad versus good argument over this, but what I would like to suggest is a good versus better approach.
In the above scenario, the pastor basically functions as a congregation's chaplain offering care and concern for his/her members. This works pretty well for smaller congregations, but as congregation's grow, problems occur, mainly: the pastor is simply incapable of caring for so many people. More and more things pile up. More and more people have need. The calendar becomes overwhelmed, and, even worse, the pastor becomes emotionally overwhelmed. With so many people to care for with so many varied issues and difficulties, the pastor eventually hits emotional overload--no matter how good he or she is with caring for him/herself.
And even in smaller congregations, while this works, I am not convinced it is the best model of care and concern. Why?
Generally this: in those congregations, the pastor becomes the "glue" that holds the congregation together. People have a relationship with the pastor, but not necessarily with one another. And that brings me to an important point: what happens to that congregation should the pastor take another call or retire? If he/she is the glue that holds things together, what happens when the glue is gone? The results aren't necessarily pretty. In fact, you will see many congregations experience a drop in worship attendance and giving when the pastor leaves. This is not the healthiest thing in my estimation.
So, what model might be better?
First of all, I think there are some things that clergy must keep in mind and practice and then things congregations should keep in mind and practice.
First, I think those of us who are clergy need to remember our job is not to bind a congregation together by having people have a relationship with us. Far from it. I believe our job is to help people connect with God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Sure, it's nice to get strokes when people tell us how much they appreciate us and like us. It's nice to hear, "I am so thankful for all that you have done." To a person who generally cares for others, these things touch a soul very deeply. However, if people are simply enjoying their relationship with you, are they growing in their walks of faith? Are they coming in contact with the God who works through you? That is another question entirely, and it is one I wrestle with constantly. As much as I like to be liked, I have become convinced that people don't need a relationship with me nearly as much as they need a relationship with Christ. He alone brings the peace that passes all understanding. He alone brings healing. He alone brings transformation. If folks are not experiencing such things, perhaps it is because we are in the way.
Second, I think a much better model for congregations to follow is care and concern for each other. When a pastor cares for members, one person essentially is the care giver. When people care for one another, well, that's a whole other ball of wax--a very powerful ball of wax. Suddenly, it's not the pastor alone who is showing compassion, concern, and mercy--to those he or she agrees and doesn't agree with--instead, a whole body of people begin to care about one another--they truly have compassion, concern, and mercy for one another. Suddenly, it's not one person alone trying to model the love of God for others, it's an entire group of people; and while God can certainly make a difference with one person, He can reach more people through the acts of others.
Furthermore, when people genuinely care for each other, the pastor no longer becomes the bonding mechanism for a congregation. People's relationship with God and with each other form that bond. Ideally, when the pastor leaves or retires, not much changes because the compassion and care is not dependent upon the pastor--it's shown with or without him/her.
When people show such care and concern for each other, no one feels left out. No one feels isolated. No one feels demeaned or unimportant. A congregation might hold a belief or policy that people do not agree with, but because of the love that people show towards one another, such things do not take on the utmost importance.
I am convinced that when people care for one another and are not dependent upon the pastor for such care, great things happen in congregations.
Who cares about such things?
I do. For I long to see congregations thriving and showing God's love--sharing the Gospel because they know the difference a relationship with Christ can bring. I long to see congregations thriving in a culture which a times is openly hostile to public faith. I long to see congregations full of joy and hope and people who smile and laugh with one another.
I simply cannot make people do these things.
All I can and will do is preach the Good News and hope that Christ transforms communities into such places of care and compassion.
Who cares, indeed?
In many congregations, it is assumed that the primary caregiver for people is the pastor. When people are troubled, they go to the pastor. When people are having surgery or they end up in the hospital, the pastor is supposed to visit. When someone loses a loved one, the pastor is there at the death, at the funeral preparation, calls numerous times afterward, and checks in on important dates: Christmas, Easter, a year after the death. When a member has cancer, the pastor is supposed to call, text, write, email on a regular basis to check in. If someone misses church a couple Sundays in a row, the pastor should call upon that person to see what is going on. And the list goes on.
Mind you, this isn't a bad thing. I am not trying to get into a bad versus good argument over this, but what I would like to suggest is a good versus better approach.
In the above scenario, the pastor basically functions as a congregation's chaplain offering care and concern for his/her members. This works pretty well for smaller congregations, but as congregation's grow, problems occur, mainly: the pastor is simply incapable of caring for so many people. More and more things pile up. More and more people have need. The calendar becomes overwhelmed, and, even worse, the pastor becomes emotionally overwhelmed. With so many people to care for with so many varied issues and difficulties, the pastor eventually hits emotional overload--no matter how good he or she is with caring for him/herself.
And even in smaller congregations, while this works, I am not convinced it is the best model of care and concern. Why?
Generally this: in those congregations, the pastor becomes the "glue" that holds the congregation together. People have a relationship with the pastor, but not necessarily with one another. And that brings me to an important point: what happens to that congregation should the pastor take another call or retire? If he/she is the glue that holds things together, what happens when the glue is gone? The results aren't necessarily pretty. In fact, you will see many congregations experience a drop in worship attendance and giving when the pastor leaves. This is not the healthiest thing in my estimation.
So, what model might be better?
First of all, I think there are some things that clergy must keep in mind and practice and then things congregations should keep in mind and practice.
First, I think those of us who are clergy need to remember our job is not to bind a congregation together by having people have a relationship with us. Far from it. I believe our job is to help people connect with God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Sure, it's nice to get strokes when people tell us how much they appreciate us and like us. It's nice to hear, "I am so thankful for all that you have done." To a person who generally cares for others, these things touch a soul very deeply. However, if people are simply enjoying their relationship with you, are they growing in their walks of faith? Are they coming in contact with the God who works through you? That is another question entirely, and it is one I wrestle with constantly. As much as I like to be liked, I have become convinced that people don't need a relationship with me nearly as much as they need a relationship with Christ. He alone brings the peace that passes all understanding. He alone brings healing. He alone brings transformation. If folks are not experiencing such things, perhaps it is because we are in the way.
Second, I think a much better model for congregations to follow is care and concern for each other. When a pastor cares for members, one person essentially is the care giver. When people care for one another, well, that's a whole other ball of wax--a very powerful ball of wax. Suddenly, it's not the pastor alone who is showing compassion, concern, and mercy--to those he or she agrees and doesn't agree with--instead, a whole body of people begin to care about one another--they truly have compassion, concern, and mercy for one another. Suddenly, it's not one person alone trying to model the love of God for others, it's an entire group of people; and while God can certainly make a difference with one person, He can reach more people through the acts of others.
Furthermore, when people genuinely care for each other, the pastor no longer becomes the bonding mechanism for a congregation. People's relationship with God and with each other form that bond. Ideally, when the pastor leaves or retires, not much changes because the compassion and care is not dependent upon the pastor--it's shown with or without him/her.
When people show such care and concern for each other, no one feels left out. No one feels isolated. No one feels demeaned or unimportant. A congregation might hold a belief or policy that people do not agree with, but because of the love that people show towards one another, such things do not take on the utmost importance.
I am convinced that when people care for one another and are not dependent upon the pastor for such care, great things happen in congregations.
Who cares about such things?
I do. For I long to see congregations thriving and showing God's love--sharing the Gospel because they know the difference a relationship with Christ can bring. I long to see congregations thriving in a culture which a times is openly hostile to public faith. I long to see congregations full of joy and hope and people who smile and laugh with one another.
I simply cannot make people do these things.
All I can and will do is preach the Good News and hope that Christ transforms communities into such places of care and compassion.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
$50 Worth of Groceries
I drove my Ford Mustang GT into the apartment complex searching for apartment #34.
Moments before, I walked through the aisles of the local grocery store picking up food items for someone who requested assistance. The woman is a "regular" in asking for help from our congregation. I have had numerous conversations with her. She is in her mid-30's to mid-40's. I've never asked her her age. She is on dialysis, does not work, is on disability, and has applied for food stamps. I personally believe she perpetually tries to "work the system."
Perhaps we should cease and desist when it comes to helping her. Perhaps forcing her to do something else instead of the same things over and over again would be more appropriate, but I am struck by a couple of things--one practical, the other theological.
The practical: I have encountered a lot of people in my lifetime. When you work with people, you learn who the extremely intelligent people are, who the average folks are, and the folks who struggle with thinking through their decisions. The woman I was bringing groceries to falls squarely in that last category. Her intelligence level is not high in the least, and frankly, trying to get her to see anything beyond one day would be a very, very difficult task. She is functionally literate, I believe, but being able to manage money and time is almost beyond her capability. It's sad really, but true.
The theological: Every time I am faced with someone who "works the system," I return to Jesus' words in the Sermon on the Mount. I almost wish He wouldn't have spoken them. Then it would be a lot easier to just walk away from such situations. "Give to everyone who begs," the Master spoke. Hey, Jesus, do you realize there are those who play the system? Do you realize there are those who prey off the generosity of others? Do you realize there are those who are capable of working yet do not? Do you realize there are those willing to take as much as they can without so much as a pang of guilt? Didn't you see the story about those who are on the EBT cards who filled up their grocery carts with tons of food items when those cards showed they didn't have any sort of limit on them? I did, and I think it's blatantly wrong of people to do such things! Don't you care about such manipulation?
Perhaps He does. Perhaps He will take care of that judgment in His own good time, but at this time, I am bound by His Word and His Word alone: give to everyone who begs. And when it comes to food, Jesus' command is explicit. "When I was hungry, you fed me." When? "When you did it to the least of these, my brothers, you did it for me."
Yesterday, I received a call asking for food. It is our policy as a congregation to never hand cash directly to those who ask unless there are special circumstances. Therefore, I headed to the local grocery store to pick up a mess of groceries. I spent $50. Ten pounds of potatoes. Ten pounds of chicken leg quarters. Large bags of corn, green beans, and broccoli. Two loaves of bread. Peanut butter. Sugar-free jelly. (The woman is diabetic.) A bag of fruit. Cheese slices. Oatmeal. Eggs, rice, and beans.
I headed for her apartment.
I turned into the entrance, and the woman was on the balcony with a friend. She recognized my car, and walked down to meet me. She said her apartment was in another complex across the lot. She wanted to walk. I offered her a ride. She accepted. We talked for a few moments.
"I really need to move. My friend is moving because her water heater caught on fire. Mine did that not too long ago. Now, I have a water leak in my place and no one is fixing it. I keep mopping it up, but now, there's mold, and I keep waking up coughing."
We park. I pop the trunk, and she asks if she can help. I reply, "Yes, I can't carry it all." She grabs several bags. I get the rest.
We pass a gentleman smoking a cigarette on the patio. He lives in the apartment next to her. I notice a pot brim full of cigarette butts on this woman's patio. Details.
Her apartment is relatively clean but a bit cluttered. Older furniture. Few decorations. I can see where the water has been leaking. She is very thankful for the groceries. I tell her I didn't know exactly what to get and that I hoped the fare was o.k. She says, "I'm not picky in what I eat."
She thanks me again profusely and says, "Pray for me Pastor Kevin." Yeah, she knows me by name. No anonymity anymore. I tell her, "I do." In fact, this woman is on our prayer list.
I walk back to my car. I look around at the complex and see its run down condition. I look at the automobiles sitting around. These folks here do not resemble those stories you hear about folks who really "game the system." There are no Cadillac Escalades or souped up sports cars. All are in pretty poor condition with dents and scratches at the least and missing body parts at the worst. None are even close to being newer models.
I drive off and head back to my reality.
$50 worth of groceries can actually buy quite a bit these days--especially if it is for someone else.
It can buy you a trip into an entirely different world.
Moments before, I walked through the aisles of the local grocery store picking up food items for someone who requested assistance. The woman is a "regular" in asking for help from our congregation. I have had numerous conversations with her. She is in her mid-30's to mid-40's. I've never asked her her age. She is on dialysis, does not work, is on disability, and has applied for food stamps. I personally believe she perpetually tries to "work the system."
Perhaps we should cease and desist when it comes to helping her. Perhaps forcing her to do something else instead of the same things over and over again would be more appropriate, but I am struck by a couple of things--one practical, the other theological.
The practical: I have encountered a lot of people in my lifetime. When you work with people, you learn who the extremely intelligent people are, who the average folks are, and the folks who struggle with thinking through their decisions. The woman I was bringing groceries to falls squarely in that last category. Her intelligence level is not high in the least, and frankly, trying to get her to see anything beyond one day would be a very, very difficult task. She is functionally literate, I believe, but being able to manage money and time is almost beyond her capability. It's sad really, but true.
The theological: Every time I am faced with someone who "works the system," I return to Jesus' words in the Sermon on the Mount. I almost wish He wouldn't have spoken them. Then it would be a lot easier to just walk away from such situations. "Give to everyone who begs," the Master spoke. Hey, Jesus, do you realize there are those who play the system? Do you realize there are those who prey off the generosity of others? Do you realize there are those who are capable of working yet do not? Do you realize there are those willing to take as much as they can without so much as a pang of guilt? Didn't you see the story about those who are on the EBT cards who filled up their grocery carts with tons of food items when those cards showed they didn't have any sort of limit on them? I did, and I think it's blatantly wrong of people to do such things! Don't you care about such manipulation?
Perhaps He does. Perhaps He will take care of that judgment in His own good time, but at this time, I am bound by His Word and His Word alone: give to everyone who begs. And when it comes to food, Jesus' command is explicit. "When I was hungry, you fed me." When? "When you did it to the least of these, my brothers, you did it for me."
Yesterday, I received a call asking for food. It is our policy as a congregation to never hand cash directly to those who ask unless there are special circumstances. Therefore, I headed to the local grocery store to pick up a mess of groceries. I spent $50. Ten pounds of potatoes. Ten pounds of chicken leg quarters. Large bags of corn, green beans, and broccoli. Two loaves of bread. Peanut butter. Sugar-free jelly. (The woman is diabetic.) A bag of fruit. Cheese slices. Oatmeal. Eggs, rice, and beans.
I headed for her apartment.
I turned into the entrance, and the woman was on the balcony with a friend. She recognized my car, and walked down to meet me. She said her apartment was in another complex across the lot. She wanted to walk. I offered her a ride. She accepted. We talked for a few moments.
"I really need to move. My friend is moving because her water heater caught on fire. Mine did that not too long ago. Now, I have a water leak in my place and no one is fixing it. I keep mopping it up, but now, there's mold, and I keep waking up coughing."
We park. I pop the trunk, and she asks if she can help. I reply, "Yes, I can't carry it all." She grabs several bags. I get the rest.
We pass a gentleman smoking a cigarette on the patio. He lives in the apartment next to her. I notice a pot brim full of cigarette butts on this woman's patio. Details.
Her apartment is relatively clean but a bit cluttered. Older furniture. Few decorations. I can see where the water has been leaking. She is very thankful for the groceries. I tell her I didn't know exactly what to get and that I hoped the fare was o.k. She says, "I'm not picky in what I eat."
She thanks me again profusely and says, "Pray for me Pastor Kevin." Yeah, she knows me by name. No anonymity anymore. I tell her, "I do." In fact, this woman is on our prayer list.
I walk back to my car. I look around at the complex and see its run down condition. I look at the automobiles sitting around. These folks here do not resemble those stories you hear about folks who really "game the system." There are no Cadillac Escalades or souped up sports cars. All are in pretty poor condition with dents and scratches at the least and missing body parts at the worst. None are even close to being newer models.
I drive off and head back to my reality.
$50 worth of groceries can actually buy quite a bit these days--especially if it is for someone else.
It can buy you a trip into an entirely different world.
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