Dear beloved church,
I cannot remember the last time I sat down and wrote to you to tell you that I loved you. That is not good. As far as I can tell, relationships cannot last without some form of demonstrable affection, including the relationship between a pastor and his or her flock. So, let me say it loud and clear: I love you.
I know that not everyone looks at things the way that I do, but let me tell you of how I view our relationship. It is very much like a marriage to me. I know our relationship doesn’t encapsulate everything a marriage entails–this is no perfect analogy, but there are enough places of overlap that I think the comparison stands.
I mean, I very much remember our honeymoon. I remember those days when we first came together and it seemed like neither of us could do no wrong. We were enthusiastic about our relationship together, and we were joyously happy. We complimented each other all the time. We made time for each other as we grew to know one another. I became excited about the little things you were doing to grow in faith and service. You listened intently to my teaching and preaching. You bragged about me in the community, and I bragged about you to all of my family and friends near and far.
But honeymoons don’t last forever in marriage or between pastors and congregations. And so we settled in working, living, and learning together. Things weren’t quite as exciting as they were early on, but we still cared deeply for each other. I didn’t do as much bragging about you. You didn’t brag as much about me. You came to expect a certain quality out of my sermons and teachings, and there may not have been as much excitement about them. I expected you to keep doing what you had done, and I made little mention of how proud I was of you for doing the little things that made a difference in the lives of others. Our relationship sort of stagnated, but that didn’t mean we didn’t care. We were just kind of used to each other. Perhaps we became complacent.
And, of course, there were the rough patches. People don’t stay the same. We continue to grow and change throughout our lives. You changed. I changed. We became different in our own ways. Sometimes, this happens in marriages, and suddenly, two people wake up in the morning and think, “Who are you? What happened to you?” A lot of times, at this point, major conflict erupts. I’ve seen it numerous times as a pastor. The outcomes are two fold: 1) folks decide that they want what once was, and “if you won’t be the person I want you to be then I don’t want to be with you any longer.” They divorce. That’s not a pretty process. Or 2) Folks decide that their marriage is worth saving. They decide to work hard at accepting and loving their spouse, not because of what they want them to be but because of who they are. Admittedly, this is a much harder path to walk.
But isn’t that what love really is about? Isn’t that where true love really comes into play? Is true love finding the perfect person who is exactly what you want, or is true love a love that lasts even when people change and grow? Is true love a love that sticks with a person through times of good and bad? Is true love a love that stands with someone even when you feel like the other is unlovable? I think it is.
As I have grown in my faith, I have learned a great lesson from the God who loved me when I was unlovable: to love others like He loved me. I’m not perfect at doing this, by any stretch of the imagination, but I am working to make this central to my life.
And so, I want to let you know, my church, that I love you. Neither one of us may be living up to the expectations that we have for each other. Neither one of us is perfect. Neither one of us can claim to have stayed the same all of these years. But you are who you are, and you will be who you will be. I am who I am, and I will be who I will be. And I love you even in the midst of all these things. And I will not try to change you. I hope that you will not try to change me. Let’s leave the changing up to God and His vision for who we need to be. Let’s just work on loving one another. For that is what I will work hard on doing. You need to know this, and so I write this love letter to you.
With deepest regards,
Your Pastor
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