Through Burnout and Back: Where Do You Turn for Healing?

It's interesting to note what happens when you actually, publically admit your burned out.  People respond in many and various ways.

You get the folks who say, "Been there.  Done that.  I understand what you are going through.  Here's some things to consider..."

There are others who say, "I'm right there with you.  I've had it up to here."

Others don't know what to say or what to do.  It makes some folks  feel a bit awkward.

Still others really don't want you to say anything about it.  They'd prefer it if you would just keep things quiet and to yourself. 

Each of these responses is expected, but as a very public figure, I decided to go public because of a myriad of reasons not the least of them being that most folks (whether they admit it or not) go through burnout.  Most folks hit the wall at some point and time and question a lot of stuff.  Hopefully, I can provide some sort of example of how to get through burnout in a healthy manner.  And if I fail...well, I really don't want to consider that...but if it happens, folks can see what not to do.

Thus far, I believe I have begun the healing process.  I've got a ways to go, but things are better now than they were a few weeks ago, and I'd like to share where I've turned to so that the healing may begin.

1. Of course, the beginning answer is God.  I've worked diligently to be more attentive to listening for His guidance in the midst of all this stuff.  I've worked to carve out space to listen to that "still, small voice" that speaks.  I've also been attentive to how God uses others to speak to me and bring words of healing and wisdom.  I'm not a big believer in coincidences, so when someone has said just the right thing at just the right time to connect with just what I am going through at just that particular moment, I'm pretty sure I know who sent that person.

God talks a lot.  Sure, sometimes you do have to be on guard, because the other guy likes to talk as well, and his stuff isn't exactly healthy.  But there is a subtle difference in the voices.  If you've spent a lot of time walking with the Lord, studying His Word, and listening to how He's spoken to and through the saints, you can tell.  Part of the problem is setting aside the things we would like Him to tell us and actually listen to what He does tell us.  This is both humbling and empowering.  It tears down and builds up.  And as the process unfolds and unwinds, it brings peace.

2. Family.  Not just your immediate family, but your extended family as well.  It is within our families that we learn our coping skills.  We learn how to handle various situations.  You're never too old to stop learning from your family.  My grandfather spoke many words of wisdom.  My dad offered challenge and timely advice.  My mom offered comfort.  Connecting with the resource of family has helped tremendously, and I know we'll continue the engagement.

The dark side to this point is the question, "What if your family is unhealthy?  What if they actually drag you down?"  There is that problem at times; however, sometimes even asking questions of unhealthy family members makes a difference in the family dynamic.  Stories abound of how relationships are changed for the better by a question asking for advice or help or assistance.  And if you don't think changing your family dynamic affects your work dynamic...well, try it, and I think you will see a difference.

3. Friends.  I've been fortunate to make several good ones around here.  Extended phone calls and conversations have done wonders.  A good friend knows when to talk and when to act, and I've been fortunate in my friends.   They've asked good questions and helped me see things from different perspectives.  Oftentimes, thinking about things from a different perspective breaks a person out of a rut--at least it does with me.

4. Myself.  This might sound a bit strange.  Perhaps even self-centered, but let me explain.  For several years I've been training in Bowen Family Systems Theory.  The theory centers on one main component--self-differentiation.  It's quite the tricky concept which means being defined about one's beliefs, understandings, and principles while staying connected to others who might not share the same sort of things.  Counselors who are trained in this system of thought are trained not to help people (yeah, you heard that right) but to help those people draw upon their own sense of self to work through situations in life.

Since I've been engaged with this theory for 12 years or so, I know cognitively what I need to do, but I simply need to do it.  And I've started.  See my post about priorities regarding this.  Being well defined about one's goals and priorities gives focus and vision and healing.

I am sure there will be other places I turn to along this journey.  Being at the bottom truly sucks, but as you start climbing back up, and as the healing begins, you start to breathe easier.  Things don't look as bad.  Hope endures.