Facing One's Shortcomings

As I have continued the process of discipleship and prayer, I have noticed that God makes things more and more challenging.

For instance, for the longest time, I have had little difficulty in seeing Christ in all of the members of my congregation--and I mean all of them.

St. Paul describes the Church aptly--as a body.  Taking that description down to a smaller size and recognizing a congregation in the same fashion, I believe is important.  Even the congregation needs all it's body parts--including the butthole.  Yeah, you might laugh, but try living without yours and see what happens.

Every body has one--including congregations.  The tendency within congregations is to want to get rid of it--or the person everyone thinks is it.  But I think it's a mistake for a couple of reasons:

#1. The butthole is capable of shifting around and heading to another person.

#2. In a congregation, if you get rid of one, another one takes it's place.  The one taking its place can oftentimes be even bigger.

#3. The butthole serves its purpose.  That purpose is important.  And sometimes, the butthole is doing some fantastic things where no one can see because everyone simply expects the butthole to be a butthole.

So, to get back to my original point: I generally don't have a problem seeing Christ in all the members of my congregation.  Even those who give me grief at times, I truly love because I know Christ is active in them.

But as I have begun to grow a little more spiritually, Christ has led me to examine how I view not only my congregation, but also how I view the world around me.  He has asked me to look for Him beyond my congregation and into the community and into the larger Church.

As I did this, I became ashamed at some of my thoughts.  I became ashamed that while I had little difficulty recognizing Christ in my congregation members, I was not doing so with my fellow clergy.  As I examined my thoughts, I realized I oftentimes looked upon them with contempt.  And then I realized the source of it all: pride.

I serve a declining denomination.  Many clergy I know serve declining congregations.  I serve a growing congregation.  My perception is that many of my colleagues aren't doing the right things in their churches to help them grow.  My perception is that they are harping on the wrong things and preaching the wrong things to help their congregations reach out.  And my perception plus the growth of my congregation (which I am working very hard to realize comes only from God and not what I have done, am doing, or will do) led me to have a big head.  My thoughts went often like this: if they would only do what I am doing here, then they would see things turn around in their congregations.   That, my readers is nothing more than hubris.  It is sinful.  It is wrong.  Once again, in my spiritual journey, I was faced with a terrible shortcoming when I looked in the mirror.

I have begun praying for forgiveness and a change of heart.  I have begun praying for a diminishing of my pride and more of a humble spirit.  I have begun praying for my colleagues to have success in what they do in their congregations even if I don't agree with their methodologies or their stances on doctrine or their particular leanings (liberal or conservative) when it comes to theology.  I am praying that their congregations thrive and that folks know they can meet Jesus in their congregations.

It is a struggle because I am one who is enamored with the Truth.  I am one who is enamored with orthodoxy.  But part of that orthodoxy is remembering the one who said, "If you want to be first in the Kingdom of God, you must be last of all and servant of all." 

This is perhaps one of the greatest challenges I've faced in this journey.  I'm not sure how it will turn out, but I must decrease that He may increase.

To my fellow clergy, I ask for forgiveness.  I never said such things to your face, and I kept such things in my heart.  But I recognize how damaging it is even in there.  I hope to do better.

To my congregation members, you now have even further truth that my feet are made of clay.

To my Lord, I beg that you continue to dig deep and heal my brokenness.