Monday, April 1, 2013

April Fool's!

Satan:  Well, hello there, Yahweh.  Looking rather glum for the Father of Lights today.  Mind if I have a seat.

God: If you must.

Satan: Oh, I know you must be brooding over Jesus down there dying on the cross.  This might not be the time for I told you so, but, well, you know I'm pretty evil, so I told you so.

God: As much as it pains me to say it, you were right.

Satan: Please say that again.  It's music to my ears.

God: (Menacing stare.)

Satan: Oh, I guess once is as good as gold.  I'll take it when I can get it, especially from you, Mr. Holier-than-Thou.

God: Do you have a purpose in coming here?

Satan: You mean other than to gloat?  No.  Not really.  Well, unless you would like to count laughing in your face!  I am so enjoying this moment.

God: I bet you are.

Satan: I can't help it, you see.  It's in my nature.  I will do everything in my power to exploit someone's weakness, even yours.

God: *sigh*

Satan: What's the matter, Almighty One?  Afraid to admit that even you have a weakness?  Oh, yes.  All powerful, creator of heaven and earth of things seen and unseen.  Yes, I hear what those weakling humans say about you all the time.  How they beg and plead of you, and how you are oftentimes so silent.  But, I know, oh yes, I know.  I know you have a special place in your heart for them.  I know how you care for them.  I know how much you hold them as the apple of your eye.  And it is your compassion for them that is your weakness.  It is your love of your creation that I have been able to use to exploit you and hurt you most! 

God: Do you have a point in all of this?

Satan: Of course.  I am here to twist the knife.  I am here to cause you even more pain.  To rub your nose in it!  You see, I warned you long ago that you should not have given them the ability to walk away from you.  I warned you about free will.  I warned you that you should rub that genetic defect from their systems.

God: Yes, you did, but they must be able to choose for a relationship to be real.

Satan: Might make a difference to you, but I know better than anyone the nature of this creation of yours.  It longs to make its own decisions.  It longs for independence.  It longs to be free from obedience.  This is embedded deep within its heart, and it is so easy, so easy for me to manipulate it.  It is so easy for me to turn people against one another and against you.  I warned you about this so long ago.

God: Yes, you did, and you were right.

Satan: And I was right too about taking on flesh and going down there to be with them, wasn't I?  I told you it wouldn't work.  I told you that you would wow them with a few miracles.  I told you you'd gain a following.  I told you that there would be some who were so enamored with you that they would bow down to you and call you Lord and King.  But I also told you they wouldn't give up their power.  I told you that they would turn against you.  I told you they would kill you!  I know them.  They sell their hearts to me in a second when I promise them wealth and success and power.  And you, what do you offer them: love one another as I have loved you!  Yeah, that feeds one's family and gives everyone their heart's desires.  It was so easy to manipulate them and turn them against you.  It was so easy to get them to reject you: God in flesh.  Ha!  Give them cold, valuable silver, and they flip-flop like a fish out of water!

God: Yes, you were right about all of that.

Satan: And still you persisted.  Still you thought you could get them to listen to you.  Pathetic!  That's what you are!  Absolutely pathetic!  What happened to Yahweh the warrior?!  The One who felled Sodom and Gomorrah with fire and brimstone?  The One who decimated armies and held back the sun and the moon?  You made yourself weak by taking on flesh and allowing yourself to be killed, murdered, hung on a cross!  How does it feel to have a part of you die?!  Does it feel good?  Doesn't it kindle your anger?  Doesn't it make you want to destroy them again?

God: I may seem pathetic to you, but I had to try.  I do love what I created, and I will not deny that Jesus death hurt me deeply.

Satan:  Well, you seem to be taking it quite well.  Here I am rubbing it in, and you shed not even one tear.

God: One does not mourn in front of one's sworn enemy.

Satan: Ah yes, I am sure that when I leave, you will mourn.  I hope it hurts a long time.  I hope that the next time you shoot for the redemption of the world, you will remember the pain.  Perhaps a little more fire, a little more brimstone, a little more power will frighten those humans into submission.  Love is weak!  Cast that one away.  Take my advice this time Yahweh, don't love 'em.  Hate 'em.  You'll last longer.  Trust me, no matter what you do, I can turn them against you and away from you in droves.

God: Thank you for your heart-felt advice, but perhaps if you ever created something instead of always seeking to destroy, you might feel a little different.

Satan: (chuckling) That might be the case, but then I would be weak.  Emotional attachments will do that to you.  Enjoy your pain, sucker!  I'm off to cause some more mayhem, death and destruction.  Think I might go do a little dance on Golgotha to begin with.

God: Well, before you do all that.  Might I suggest one thing?

Satan: Well, go ahead.

God: Go check out the tomb...

3 comments:

joan said...

The best! It reassures me and yet I need always to be reminded of the immensity of our Lord. Thanks!

David said...

Priceless! Notice how Satan is a demon of many words but God is...well God of few words but extraordinary action! Reminds me of C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters.

Happy Easter! Christ is risen!

Kevin Haug said...

He is risen, indeed!