I Hate Snakes

¹⁴The Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, cursed are you among all animals and among all wild creatures; upon your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life. ¹⁵I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will strike your head, and you will strike his heel.”  --Genesis 3: 14-15

I understand this sentiment all too well.  I hate snakes.  It probably stems from an incident when I was roughly 2 1/2 or three years old.  We lived in a trailer house, and every morning, I'd trudge outside and pick up the paper.  At this age, I considered it fun. 

One morning, I opened the door and proceeded to walk toward the steps.  I looked toward the ground, and there was a snake!  I have no earthly idea what kind of snake it was.  I just know that the darn thing looked right at me, opened its mouth and hissed.  I screamed bloody murder and ran back inside the house.  My mom shot at it a couple of times with a .22, but I don't think she hit it.  She did finish it off with a hoe.

Don't know if it was the shock of seeing the snake, it hissing at me, or what, but the image is deeply embedded in my brain, and I believe it serves as the root core of why I vehemently dislike snakes.

Fast forward 35+ years to yesterday.

I worked in my garden harvesting my corn crop.  After finishing, I needed to water my cucumbers, squash, and watermelon.  I headed to the spigot on the west side of the church building.  I was just about to reach down and grab the water hose when I heard a hissing sound.  I looked into an old armadillo hole and saw a black snake trying to swallow a toad.  Looking carefully, I saw the snake's head and fangs protruding on each side.  It was a water moccasin!  Venomous!  Not the kind of snake I want hanging around with my kids and pets playing outside on a regular basis.

Now, I know what scripture says in the 16th chapter of the book of Mark:

^17"And these signs will accompany those who believe: by using my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; ¹⁸they will pick up snakes in their hands, and if they drink any deadly thing, it will not hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.”  Mark 16: 17-18

I also know that this text probably was added later after the original author finished his work (you'd be able to tell it too if you read the Greek.)  I do know there are those who believe this to be inspired scripture, and these idiot, asinine, crazy people actually handle poisonous snakes during worship.

My faith is not that strong. 

I immediately left the vicinity and headed for my shop to appropriate a hoe.

Have you ever tried digging a snake out of a hole where he is entrenched?  Not an easy task.  Cottonmouths are notoriously strong.  They are also pretty aggressive, and my saving grace was this one was trying to swallow a meal.  He was more in retreat mode, so I had an edge.  However, despite my efforts, I still couldn't get the thing out.  It was time for stronger measures.

I like the Second Amendment to the Constitution, and I personally believe it guarantees individual American citizens the right to bear arms.  When facing a poisonous snake in a hole, that right to bear arms comes into play handily, and I exercised it.  My kids watched from their bedroom window where they could see the scene play out.

The first two would have done the job, I found out later.  But I fired two more for insurance measures.

After dragging the snake out, I used my hoe for insurance. 

Now, just for safe measures, I went back and read my letter of call.  It has nothing in there about protecting the church from deadly serpents, but I think I'm going to go back and write it in.  One day, I'm going to retire, and the next person in line will need to know what he/she is getting into. 

Apparently, in order to be a country preacher, you've got to be a snake killer as well.

p.s.  Hung the dang thing on the fence belly up.  It better rain now!